This video for Machi Bhasad by Bloodywood is practically competence porn
Last few weekends have been quiet for me.
Starting to feel an itch to take swings at Streaming and workbench projects again
I keep making lists and then ignoring them, but also have a notion to jot down another list of potential projects. Maybe better this time if I can build on a list here?
Thinking about my self-thoughts & reactions to my drifting focus
Lots of frustration, self-recrimination over not being able to stick to a thing for long
Then when I do manage to have my focus cohere on a thing for long, I hyperfocus and dive at it with mania because I have learned that that is the only way to get a thing finished
Obsessive work on a project in the hopes that I might actually wrap it up before my enthusiasm evaporates
Obsessive hours on a video game because I know that very soon all my joy with it will just abruptly END soon
Better to find habits & systems that let me capture & accumulate the enthusiasm when & where it happens
Declare a truce on myself from shame & beration over my difficulty with wrangling my focus
One of my main frustrations is that the world likes and is changed by sustained & completed efforts. At least insofar as I've been able to find, niche-wise.
Trying to think if I can somehow cobble together my scattered shards into an occasional simulation of coherent effort
I can at least say that I recognize self-abuse is no way to self-motivate