Hello world.

Haven't done a lot of working with the garage door up lately.

Mostly been trying to get work done during the day. Distract myself from doomscrolling with EVE Echoes until my ADHD brain decides we're done with it.

Kind of hoping I can bargain with myself to do some more creative work like I started with my "Swinth 2020" demo back on 2020 / 09 / 16 or maybe some continued GameDev on Starnet.

I think I've come to a place where I'm accepting that I can't browbeat or shame myself into doing any particular kind of creative work. Can't force the mechanism. For awhile, I internalized "butt in seat" and force myself to do the thing as the way to go. But, all that does is make me feel absolutely terrible and a failure.

Assuming ADHD is my malady, the lack of executive function renders "butt in seat" a non-starter. So, I'm kind of trying to abide and feel myself out. See if I can surf my own semi-uncontrollable hyperfocus and nudge it toward things I'd like to do in terms of higher-order life goals. But, I have utterly failed at simply steering myself at anything via main force of will.

I've managed functionality at dayjob tasks largely through expending what little influence I have - with lots of wheel spinning even still - and it seems that leaves me with little left over to decide anything optional at the end of the day. Just a floating pin on the I/O port fluctuating psuedo-randomly.